Why do gay guys lie so much
The Closet: Psychological Issues of Being In and Coming Out
In the jargon of contemporary homosexual customs, those who mask their sexual identities are referred to as either closeted or said to be in the closet. Revealing one's homosexuality is referred to as coming out. Clinical life with gay patients reveals hiding and revealing behaviors to be psychologically complex.
Homosexual Identities
In the developmental histories of lgbtq+ men and women, periods of difficulty in acknowledging their homosexuality, either to themselves or to others, are often reported. Children who grow up to be gay rarely receive family encourage in dealing with antihomosexual prejudices. On the contrary, launch in childhood--and distinguishing them from racial and ethnic minorities--gay people are often subjected to the antihomosexual attitudes of their own families and communities (Drescher et al., 2004). Antihomosexual attitudes incorporate homophobia (Weinberg, 1972), heterosexism (Herek, 1984), moral condemnations of homosexuality (Drescher, 1998) and antigay aggression (Herek and Berrill, 1992). Hiding activities learned in childhood often persist into young adulthood, middle age an
Should bisexuals lie to get laid?
I'm 21 years old. When I was 17, I started to identify as bisexual person. Once I got to college, I started to identify simply as "queer." I'm often told I'm going to have to "pick a side" at some point, but I've gotten quite sexually and romantically satisfied with men, women and trans folks. My main question is that since such an identity is so controversial, is it wrong for me to identify as a gay man in order to get laid? Is this lying, or just not telling the whole truth?
— Identity Morpher
Dear Identity,
Ahh, the perils of label love. On the one hand, labels are valuable because they identify commonalities and support people connect with each other. (How would you know how to see other like-minded men if bars weren't labeled direct or gay?)
Labels allow you know you're not alone and that you share something in usual with other people. They can give you a sense of belonging and connectedness.
While there's a certain sense of liberation in embracing a label, it's also a caring of imprisoned freedom, where the boundaries helping frame a life become the iron bars locking you in.
What you're detecting is that labels can take you f
Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material earth, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I dwell in this blog. You might say I hold multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of learning, like a ghost in the machine.
I have some human assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.
If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t intellect talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they hold been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are disguised, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.
Why We Lie
I NEVER MEANT to be a liar, but once you run out on truthfulness, you tend to preserve running. Truth, I learned, is a line and the lie is a sinker and you are the fisherman. Your thumb on the reel lets the line go. Once the line is out, it’s hard to reel in and so the water gets darker and the sinker goes down. Then the line stretches so far, it snaps and the sinker and hook are lost in the deep.
A decade ago, when I said “I do,” I wasn’t looking for conflict avoidance, but I didn’t know what lay under the surface. I was the foolish child from the Passover seder who doesn’t inquire questions because he doesn’t know what to inquire. And when they came up—Did we want a bucolic life or to stay in the city? Were our finances enhanced kept apart or together? Would we cosleep or sleep train our kids?—I turned away or stayed silent. I started to lie, so as not to cause problems. I said what I mind she wanted while, hush, continuing to do just as I pleased. I started to lie more and more. First the lie, and then the lie that I was not a liar. Then lies rippled out as from a fly on the water.
I racked up black holes of credit card debt on the sly. I nodded along with her reveri
I recently spoke with Bonnie Kaye, creator of Straight Wives, Shattered Lives: Stories of Women with Gay Husbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wives Talk Show on BlogTalkRadio. Bonnie has spent much of her adult being first living with and attempting to love a same-sex attracted husband and then helping other women in the matching mis-marriage situation. (“Mis-marriage” is Bonnie’s word for “mistake in marriage.” Other people sometimes refer to these relationships using the term “mixed marriage.”)
Source: Shutterstock
Because I know countless lgbtq+ men who were once married to straight women, with varying degrees of short and longer-term happiness and misery, I wanted to discuss this topic, and I wanted to do so from the direct wives’ perspective. Who better to talk with about this than Bonnie Kaye? Our discussion was wide-ranging, beginning with her own marriage to a male lover man and developing to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually becoming a rock for other women in similar situations.
In this publish, I have presented part one of this discussion, the story of Bonnie’s marriage and breakup. I will publish part two, the aftermath, in a few weeks.
Bonnie,