Can a lesbian be attracted to a man
BY KALI MUNRO, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, 2001 | Originally published in Siren, Feb/March 2001.
Do you think that it is possible to be lesbian and sexually attracted to men? What about lesbians who have sexual fantasies that include men? Or lesbians who own relationships only with women and occasionally have sex with a man? If you have any of these feelings or experiences, you are not alone, and they don’t hold to diminish your queer woman identity.
On the other hand, if the thought of one or all of these upset or ire you, you are not alone, either. As lesbians, we can be sensitive about these issues, and with good reason.
UNDERSTANDING WHY SOME LESBIANS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC
It’s not hard to understand why some lesbians might not trust lesbians or multi-attracted women who include men in their sex lives. In a world where we are told that lesbian relationships are a fad, a phase, less significant than straight relationships, don’t last, are unhappy, unstable, and lacking because there is no male involvement, and that all we need is a “good fuck,” it can be hard to undergo open to lesbians or bisexual women who crave , or do have sex with men.
We w
I'm a Woman Who's Sleeping With a Gay Bloke (Yes, He's Still Gay)
For the past year, I’ve been having regular sex with a gay gentleman I'll call Oliver. We were best friends for years, attending many Identity festival parades and taking weekend hiking trips. But last year, after a very drunken night, we slept together—and we still are today. He maintains that he still is, and always has been, a gay man.
After the first time, we were predictably awkward and British about it. We laughed a bit that it had happened, and then we agreed we shouldn’t execute it again.
That lasted maybe three days. The first few months had all the expected exciting parts of sleeping with your best bud, but they were also tinged with this brand new fresh thing. Oliver had never been with a miss before, and he was completely unaware of what a vulva or a clitoris was. Fortunately, Oliver had the benefit of my feminist Orgasm Gap rants over the past five years, and took to the task of making me come with admirable tenacity. One of the sweetest moments of that year was evidence the book She Comes First on his bedside table.
Men I’ve slept with before often have this false bravado around sex, like they need
I'm a lesbian, so why am I attracted to one man in particular?
Hi jevy,
Thanks for writing in to us at AlterHéros. From your post, it sounds as though you’re experiencing some confusion when it comes to your lesbian identity and it’s all stemming from some fantasies you’ve had about a particular man.
After going through a coming out process and happily living as a queer woman for 11 years, it can be a bit startling to start having feelings of attraction or admiration for a man. You should know however, that this is not an uncommon occurrence for a lesbian identified girl. Sexual orientation is often described as fluid because of its sometimes fickle nature. Straight women who have liked men their whole lives may life a sexual orientation dysphoria and change into attracted to a particular woman or women in general. This also holds true for lesbians; they may also suddenly feel a desire to be with a male or to begin relationships with men. Rest assured that you are not the only one who has gone through this compassionate of confusion and it’s common to feel a minuscule disillusioned because of it.
The reason behind this kind of change in feelings can be triggered by
Firstly on the topic of wlw erotica and media in general, you may discover Autostraddle a good place to start. There are lots of great media recommendations (both your "regular" books, films and TV shows with queer women in them, and sexually explicit content) , and they do have an erotica series they host themselves under their A+ banner.
You may find that different formats of erotica, porn etc. do or don't do things for you, so potentially erotica more your thing when it comes to arousal than visual porn. Also, yes it is quite normal to have things that you enjoy fantasizing about but wouldn't yearn to do in actual life, as Heather mentions in our article "Yes, No, Maybe, a sexual inventory checklist":
"We included a code [in the checklist] for fantasy. People often con
This controversial study claims lesbians are attracted to women because 'men get turned on by it'
A new study, which looked into the origins of lesbianism, is claiming women are only attracted to other women because it turns men on. Yes, seriously. You're hearing me correctly.
Pink News reports researchers are the University of Nicosia, in Cyprus, are controversially claiming that same sex attraction in women only developed because apparently, men receive turned on thinking about women having sex. I can't even. Weirdly, the scientists studied 1,509 heterosexual couples (sure) and found the following...
Around half of the male participants said they'd change into sexually aroused if their opposite-sex partners told them they were attracted to women. And 34% of men said they would most like their female partner to be attracted “predominantly to members of the opposite-sex but occasionally of the same-sex”. Does this sound like straight-up fetishising to anyone else?
Another possible reason for men seeking out women who were also attracted to women, according to the study, is that if their partner cheats on them, they're still in with a chance of fathering offspring.
“A wo